Some Tips

Before you tie the knot here are some things you should do or plan to do.

1-Go away together - take a long weekend and go visit a winery, go to a ballgame, stay in a bed in breakfast, ride a roller coaster at an amusement park or go lay on the beach. What ever it is do it together and try not to talk wedding - just get ready for the marriage.

2-On the wedding day give your cell phone to your best man and/or maid of honor. There are always last minute calls that you don't need to deal with. I don't know why it is but guests always call the bride for directions or info on something to do in the area.

3-Have your planner take you into the reception space right before the guests enter - it will be the only time you can see the room untouched. They you can really take in the ambiance and all the decor that took you a year to decide on.

4-Ask your bridal party to take pictures of the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner and/or after party. This is still part of your wedding weekend and you don't want to miss a thing.

5-Tell everyone involved the details of the weekend - this includes bridal party AND the dads. They might need to transport people, the centerpieces after the wedding or picking up the tuxs and they need to know what you know.

6-Get your engagement ring cleaned and polished.

Meet the Parents

Over the weekend I met with a couple who mentioned that their parents had not met yet. They didn't know what to do or how to arrange this. I told them it was a good idea to try to get this done before the wedding!

Traditionally, the grooms parents are supposed to set up this meeting if it happens post engagement. But these days when parents live out of town and schedules are hectic the bride and groom should go about setting up the meeting. I suggest inviting both sets of parents into town for dinner at a neutral location - maybe the couples favorite restaurant or a potential wedding location.

The good thing is there will be lots to talk about - getting to know you things as well as all things wedding!

Changing Your Name

While visiting my family over the holidays the topic of taking your husbands name came up (I hopefully have 2 cousins on their way to the engagement road).

They had asked what I thought and what I did with my middle name. It was a not an issue for me to take my husbands name, I never thought twice. Although Tomasulo is a lot harder then Sellers! I just wanted to change my name - made it feel more like creating a family. I am more on the traditional side but I did make my maiden name my middle name though.

I know some people are concerned about their professional lives and if they have been 'Karen Somers' forever it would be weird to drop the 'Somers.' Well you don't have to drop it completely.

I was Meredith Sellers for over 30 years so dropping Sellers didn't seem right either so I dropped Ann and became Meredith Sellers Tomasulo. I think years ago this was the more Southern thing to do (surprise surprise). Ann wasn't as important to me as Sellers was/is.

Professionally in the wedding business people knew me as Meredith Sellers so I just added Tomasulo to the end then after about a year I stopped including Sellers in my correspondence and business cards. Easy transition.

This is entirely a personal choice and I know some people really fret over it. Just do what is right for you and your new family.

What do you plan to do?

Lil'bit of Advice

ENJOY YOUR WEDDING DAY

-Before you walk down the aisle with your new husband or wife - look at the guests, take in the moment of everyone you care about smiling back at you
-Visit with your guests either at the table or on the dance floor
-Dance with your brother and sorority sisters
-Hire a planner to take care of behind the scene details
-Eat dinner - you spent so much time choosing the right meal
and lastly
-Hug, Kiss and thank your parents


Remember the best weddings are the ones where the bride and groom really enjoy themselves and are Guests at Their Own Wedding!

A Flower Tip

I wanted to share a little tip with you, the bride or the florist. Wouldn't it look much better if the stem of your boutonnieres were wrapped in black or coordinating ribbon instead of green floral tape?

The black will blend nicely with the tux. I even had a client that had copper wire wrapped around the black ribbon for something more contemporary.


Now doesn't this look better - go ahead mention it to your florist, you'll thank me when you get your pictures back.

Friend or Professional?

So your not sure if you should hire a professional wedding planner or just ask a friend to help out at the reception.

Well it might depend on what you need help on, the days logistics and which friend.

If you are going to ask a gal pal, make sure she is organized and know that you might be keeping her from the party. But there could be some things that a friend could help out with:

If you are looking for someone to make sure you have everything to get ready, be there to help put the dress on, put your purse together and give the BM the rings(ie: a bridesmaid).
or
make sure the photographer has your must take photos list.
or maybe
set out your homemade centerpieces.

If you want someone to truly manage your day, work with your vendors, act on your behalf and make sure all your friends and family are having fun you need to consider hiring a professional. A professional will be your eyes and ears, be knowledgeable of what you want, be familiar with the wedding professionals you hired (and what the contracts say), help you make decisions and will know about timing issues that could affect food and catering.

If your day of planner is good he/she will start working with you about a month from the wedding. They will go over your plans, review contracts, make a timeline, contact all your wedding vendors, answer your unending last minute questions, talk you through your seating arrangements, your ceremony programs and your must play dance songs - all BEFORE the actual wedding.

They will coordinate the rehearsal, ceremony and of course be there on your big day to make sure all your plans are carried out. Remember they are working for you on your behalf, not the hotel or catering facility. Their #1 priority is making sure your day is wonderful and all issues are dealt with behind the scenes.

Coordinators fees range but remember you get what you pay for. The expenditure might seem like more then you want to pay but can you put a price on peace of mind? Let your friends or aunts enjoy themselves, party with you on the dance floor and leave the logistics to the professionals.

Ask the Expert...

Summertime fun:
I am going to open up my blog to answer some of your questions; wedding and/or event related.

Just post the question here or email me (address on the right) and I will answer it in a post for all my readers benefit.

So ask about etiquette, dress fittings, hot colors, timing of an event, how to deal with your mom or MIL; whatever it is ask away.

Cards with Legs

I am sure you have heard this before but please remember to provide something at your reception to hold all your cards - most likely they have money in them. We wouldn't want a guest just walking by and taking one or all of them.

Good options are a covered box - see above or something simple like a hinged basket. You want to make sure that hands can't reach in and grab something out.

You can make this part of your decor by using a bird cage if you have an outdoor wedding or a red canvas box for an Asian wedding.

Your wedding planner can watch over the items and make sure they go in the appropriate car at the end of the night. If you are at a hotel please have someone go with the bellman to your room with the gifts. I have heard of them taking gifts to the wrong bridal suite.

Just remember to secure your gifts and gift cards so no one but you gets to enjoy them.

Wedding Guests

I usually post things that are more for the bride or groom but this is more for the wedding guest.  Its full fledge wedding season so if you have some summer weddings to attend here is some advice.

1-Get a gift off their registry and shower the happy couple with gifts they’ll love (and picked out!)  They might really need that new set of dishes or the entertaining server set.  When in doubt money is always good.

2-Don't bring the gift to the wedding.  You should have it sent directly to their home.  Nowadays it is so much easier with online registries and why would you want to lug that gift to the reception?

3-Please think about what you will wear to the wedding.  Women please don't wear white, save that for the bride.  Men please don't wear kaki pants and a golf shirt(unless its a backyard bbq).  Try to dress up a little.  9 times out of 10 a nice dark suit and tie works just fine.

4-There is no need for you to tip the bartenders at this wedding.  The couple has already taken care of this and I promise you the staff is well taken care of.  Put the $5 bill back in your pocket.

5-and last but not least please let the bride and groom eat their dinner.  I know I know you want to see them, hug them and tell the bride how great she looks but can you give them 20 minutes to eat some of the meal they painstakingly picked out for their wedding?

NOW GO AND HAVE FUN!

Linens and Things

FYI: If you have a registry at Linens N Things, I would highly suggest canceling it!
They have filed Chapter 11 and will be closing 120 of its 589 stores.

Think Bed, Bath and Beyond or Macys.

That will be $4

Whatever your financial situation is or what your reception site tells you, it is NOT cool to have a cash bar! You would never ask your guests to pay for her chicken satay appetizer, you shouldn't ask guests to pay for drinks.

If money is tight or you are trying to cut down on costs just have beer and wine available or have a signature drink station. Maybe margaritas on the rocks to go along with the beer and wine or a maybe a Vodka bar. Think about your theme, time of year and location.

Along the same lines it is also very tacky to have tip jars or cups on the bar. Your guests should NOT have to tip for their drink at YOUR wedding. This note of etiquette also goes to my wedding guest readers - please don't tip the bartenders. A gratuity is included in the catering bill already. It is best to discuss this with your sales person prior to your wedding and of course your wedding planner will make sure there is not tip jar in view.

How to...on Wine Part 2

I know that when most of us go into a restaurant we aren't exactly sure how to order wine and then exactly how to enjoy it.

Here are some tips.
-Look over the food and wine menus, ask your dinner partners to give their preferences. Some may be ordering fish and others beef and you might need a red and a white.
-Seek the advice of your waiter or sommelier.
-Express your desires, don't be afraid or mention your price range and that you don't really like Merlot for example.
-Be open to suggestions and trust your own taste.
-When the bottle arrives check the label to make sure the correct bottle was delivered.
-When the waiter or sommelier pours you a bit, smell it then taste it. The surest indicators of freshness is the aroma and taste. If you detect musty, sour or wet towel scent the wine is bad.
-If the bottle is empty and everyone is still eating ask your friends if they would like another glass, don't ask if they want more (more implies they may have had too much).

Enjoy!

Your Wedding Ceremony

So you are getting married ! I know that you have been busy hiring a caterer, deciding on music and picking out invitations but have you stopped to think about the marriage? How about your ceremony - the time when you declare your forever love to your partner in front of your friends and family.

If you are getting married in a church you might not have much say on how the ceremony will go but you can choose some biblical readings and customize with songs or maybe even your own vows.

If you are getting married outside or in a historic local maybe you can write your own ceremony. I came across www.myweddingvows.com. It is a great resource for vows, love poems and bible verses. There are even great prayers your officiant can say over you after you are married.

Tips on Toasts

I know I have discussed this before and you know I feel strongly about appropriate toasts at weddings. I was going over this with a client so I thought I would revisit it here.

Make sure you determine the order of people toasting before the wedding day.
If the FOB plans to welcome or toast he should go first, possibly before dinner is served.
The best man should toast next or before cake is cut and served. The MOH can also go at this time.

(Keep it short, make it personal, mention both the Groom & the Bride, speak loud and finish by wishing couple well and asking guests to stand and toast. The bride and groom stay seated as they are being toasted to.)

Other people that might want to toast would be the groom to his bride and her family. Other toasts should be done at the rehearsal dinner. You want to get to the dancing and having fun.

Doesn't sound too hard does it?

Grooms Guide 2

So you have just spent weeks planning an engagement and finding a ring, you have proposed and now you think there isn't much to do. Well here are a few hints to keep you a little involved in the planning - I promise you it will make your future wife SOOO happy.

-Make a list of people you would like to invite. Start a spreadsheet with names, and addresses of guests. Talk to your parents and get their list.

-Talk about money - work out a wedding budget together.

-Choose your Groomsmen and pick a BM.

-Talk Honeymoon - nothing gets her away from the stress then talking about the honeymoon!
discuss options, plan a budget, research and then Book It!

-Research the route from the hotel to the church and to the reception site. Put this together to add to your wedding website. Create a map.

-Listen to your beloved when she talks about crazy bridesmaids, colored linens and styles of china - sometimes she just needs an ear - you don't have to fix it just LISTEN!

and 3 very important things
-Think of something special to do for your bride the morning of the wedding; deliver a handwritten love note, breakfast in bed, send flowers, etc.

-Tell her over and over again how you love her, how beautiful she looks and how amazing that dress is (remember she spent a lot of time on that 'look')!

-Thank your in laws a lot for the wedding (if appropriate) and for raising an amazing woman.